Dear Yvonne: He says he loves me, wants to marry me, but he never seems to remember to buy anything for me.
Even when I struggle financially, he sees it and does nothing to help me out.
Even when I ask him for the help, he makes promises and does not help, rather, he encourages me to borrow or buy on loan that he’d refund me but he never does.
Sometimes, I find myself borrowing to even help him out when he is in financial need but he never seems to reciprocate when it is my turn.
Am I materialistic? Is it wrong for me to expect the man that I love and I am to marry to financially take care of me or support me from time to time? Celia.
Yvonne Says: Dear Celia: You have not written anything that makes you sound materialistic.
I sometimes worry that a man that does not share the little he has with the woman he loves, when he makes it big financially, he still may not share with her.
It is not good for a man to withhold from the woman he claims to love. Love is equal to giving and sharing and if he is not giving and sharing with you, he does not genuinely love you.
Especially when he sees you struggling financially and has the means to help you but steps aside and encourages you with words of mouth, even prayers but no money.
A good man does not ask the woman he loves and plans to marry to go and borrow, with a promise to refund her/pay back and time after time, fails to pay the debt. Even the Bible says that it is only a wicked man that borrows without paying back.
Talk to him about these things; pray for him, trust God that he will change and be a better man, watch him to see if that happens. If it does not, I will not advise you to go on and marry that man, because if you do, this may become a major problem and can lead to the disintegration of your marital bliss/home.
No matter how much a woman has or makes, she loves it when her man gives her money and buys gifts for her. They do not have to be expensive all the time. It is just that he thought to buy her things or give to her that makes her incredulously happy.
And when that rarely ever happens, married or not, when someone else comes to her bearing these things and saying sweet words to her, chances are that she will be highly tempted to be unfaithful to her husband or even break an engagement, except if she heavily leans on the grace of God to resist the temptation.
It also works both ways; a woman should not pocket/withhold her own money. Help/ support your man as much as God enables you to and especially when he needs your help.
Do not simply cross your leg, make requests and demands and when he is in need, you watch him struggle.
You do not genuinely love a man you cannot support/ assist financially when the need arises.
Until next time, I love you with the love of God. Shalom!