Dear Yvonne: I need your advice and prayers please. When I met Edem; I knew I did not feel any attraction or likeness to and for him, I should have walked away but I did not.
I was afraid, you see, of ending up alone. Everyone I knew was getting married, or already married and bearing children.
My friends, mom and church members confronted me occasionally to say I was too picky. That there was no such thing as a perfect man and that I should try “force” myself to develop interest in Edem.
I like nothing about him, I see him coming from one direction, and I rush off on the opposite direction. He calls out my name, I feign like I did not hear and hurry away. Sometimes when he speaks or smiles, I feel irritated and near angry and am constantly in a hurry to dismiss him.
My zero tolerance of Edem made him like me more, he told everyone that he is about to marry me and I was just playing “hard to get’’.
When I look around, I see equally beautiful single ladies who genuinely like Edem and would give anything to be his wife but he treats them just as I treat him.
He has eyes for no one but me and it infuriated me more. I had to pray for grace to keep from being outright rude to him.
Help me; a part of me wants to out rightly tell him to stop bothering me and look elsewhere for his wife. Yet, when I think about it; I realize the young man has done nothing wrong to me whatsoever.
Is something wrong with me like everyone else thinks? Why don’t I like Edem? I have tried so hard to force myself to but the more I try, the more I do not.
I want to love and marry a good man and soon too, however, I am yet to meet anyone I like enough. Plus, I have gotten my heart broken before. Am I afraid of commitment and marriage? Is something wrong with me?
Yvonne Says: Dear Rita: Thank you for writing in, beloved of God.
I sincerely do not believe there is anything wrong with you. I also do not believe in forcing oneself to love another. You have to stop doing it, because sometimes, the more you try to force yourself to grow in love with someone else, the more you dislike the person.
Love is a beautiful gift, that although, may not be there at first, may eventually come along. Yet, it may never happen between you and Edem.
Stop forcing it. Stop putting yourself under unnecessary pressure to love Edem, just because everyone around you expects it.
Stop allowing Edem and everyone else mount pressure on you to settle down with a man that you clearly do not feel any iota of love for.
Pray, pray and pray some more. Ask for God’s will for your life. Ask God for true healing and grace to let go of your past hurts, regrets and seeds of fear or doubts planted from those experiences.
Ask God to make you a good woman, so that a good man will find you. Ask God to give you peace when your husband comes forth and proposes to you.
Ask God to remove every person that ought not to be in the picture so that the way is clearer for your own would be spouse to find you, Especially with Edem going around, proclaiming you as his wife. Any decent man may not want to come near you upon hearing that, to avoid any ugly situation.
Also, sometimes, people make the mistake of judging you based on what other people tell them about you, without taking time to walk up to you, talk or try to be your friend, hence, discovering the truth of who you really are for themselves.
If Edem is not your husband, ask God to move him away and disallow him from blocking your own spouse.
However, also pray that if Edem is your spouse, may the grace of God help you see him as God sees him for you.
God is not going to force you to accept any man if you continue to resist vehemently. He does respect your freewill. That is why you need to seriously pray so you do not miss the will of God for your life, to avoid living a life of regret, because every gift/ blessing from God is the best. Your choice can never be better than God’s choice for you.
How will you know it is God speaking to you, you may ask?; Please remove the time frame you already set that you want to get married (such as the end of this year). This will reduce the pressure you already feel.
Stop forcing yourself to love Edem.
Pray for grace for tolerance, so you are never rude.
Stop the comparism with others. Others will always be ahead, others behind and others in same levels with you per time.
Continue to pray for you and your temperance, ask the Holy Spirit to help you with discernment and to change anything within you that is standing in the way of God’s will for your life.
If afterwards, you are certain Edem is not the one; call him aside and politely but firmly tell him how you feel. You just have to tell the young man to look for his wife elsewhere and hopefully, he will move on.
If he does not and you have told him how you feel more than once, and you still feel constantly harassed by him, perhaps it is time to politely report him to an authoritative figure in your life or his and this person should be able to call him to order so he backs away from you and you can focus on God while your own true husband finds you.
Rita; May God’s grace see you through this phase, grant you true healing, the grace to let your painful past experiences go and restore your peace of mind and joy in Jesus name, Amen.
To the readers; until next time, I love you with the love of God. Shalom!